Andrew's beach front bar

Do you ever have one of those days when it all goes to pot, and best laid plans just slip away? Today was such a day. I slept through the alarm this morning, so i was allready running late for work, and then one of the cats was sick on the carpet, cream carpets that we only had steam cleaned a week ago, so i cleaned it up, making me later still. I missed the bus, a car drove passed, through a puddle and wet me through, my brolly blew inside out, and i was late for work, which is ok because i work for my dad, so it's not like i have a boss to crawl to, but today we had an extra lot of work on, nd i wanted to spend a little time at the computer, because im trying to write my novel, and im writing a script, and i have a poetry competitio that has a rapidly approaching deadline.

oh dear, ive had the same numbers since year dot, well, since it began and the best i have ever had is three numbers. whats the betting today is my day? lets hope i never see the numbers, it could be devestating, and with the day ive had.....

Last week there was a story in our local paper about a barbor who has a sin outside his shop stating no women are allowed. the owner of the shop claims that iw women come with their partners, because it is such a small shop they wil be taking up a seat that a paying customer could have, but says he has no qualms about them waiting outside. he came on the local radio to argue his case, and fails to see that his behaviour is not acceptable.

i think the guy needs to get with the times, that or his shop should face a boycott.

so. it's the end of another month, pay day. to quote Homer Simpson, woo hoo! thing is though, what with my overdraft, mortgage, gas, electric, mobile, land line, tv, council tax all coming out on direct debit in the next week or so there is nothing left for me.

there has to be more to life tyhan this. i guess i should have made more of an effort at school. to quote Homor Simpson again, Doh!

I DO NOT BELEIVE IT... THEY HAVE TAKEN LIFE ON MARS OFF IN FAVOUR OF THE FOOTBALL....HOW UNFAIR, I LOVE THAT SHOW...

So all the bands are reforming, The police, Wham, Wet wet wet. I have a heartfelt plea, if the greatest band off all time read this, please. reform Ultravox.

How can it be so, that you can have a full nights sleep, say 8 hours, and i'm talking deep sleep, like, close to being comatose. The world could come to a dramatic end and you would remain oblivious, masked mutants could rade your house and rape and pillage their way through the entire estate, and yet, you can still sleep on. The spirit of Elvis could rise, and take the vast voyage from Graceland to your home, stand at the foot of your bed and sing to you, and yet, you still dont wake. All this, such a deep sleep, and yet, the alarm sounds, you open your eyes to the morning so tired, you will turn the alarmn to snooze and request, nay , demand an extra five minutes in the land of nod. My only conclusion is , sleep is bad for you, it makes you tired.

is two pints of lager and a packet of crisps not the grteates show ever to grace our tv's? i have series 1 to 6 on DVD and could watch it for hours. the musical episode is just fantastic. long may it rule, roll on sereis 7.

i heard the story of the seven veils
i heard so many lurid tales
i heard the one about the rock and the roll
lost alone by the gallows pole.

stay away from the seven veils
and forget them lurid tales
cause the lies they continue toi spread
you wont escape them even when you're dead.

.HOGWARTS
.MIDSUMMER
.SPICE WORLD
.NARNIA
.TRUMPTON
.CAMBERWICK GREEN
.THE ENCHANTED FOREST
.FAWLTY TOWERS (that Polly is hot)
.BALLAMORY
.TREASURE ISLAND
.FAR FAR AWAY
.CLUB TROPICANA
.DEVIL GATE DRIVE
.SUNSET BEACH
.WALFORD
.HOLBY
.EMMERDALE
.WETHERFIELD
.CLOUD COCO LAND
.THE TWELTH OF NEVER
.THE BACK OF BEYOND
.NEVER NEVER LAND (so good they named it twice)

1. Never eat the last quality street before offering it to you're wife.

7.never forget your wifes birthday

Do we work top live, or do we live to work? For the majority of my life i have worked for minimum wage, stuck in a rut with walls far to deep to scale. I sometimes think i will never find an escape route, and this is it, all life has to offer.

At this moment in time i am suposed to be lacing and stretching a couple of football shirts for framing. I earn my keep, so to speak a a picture framer and for some reason the past few weeks has seen an amazing increase in the number of shirts being brought in to be framed. i've cut the mounts, but i need to cut the wood and the glass and assemble it. I'm just having a sneeky five minutes with a mug of coffee and a chocky bicky.

I realy should go and get some work done, but my mind is on other things. last week i submited my script to the BBC, a sit com piolet. i dont know how the ground stands for first time writers with the BBC, but what the Hell, i have nothing to loose in trying do i?

I have been writing for years, all i have managed to get into print as yet is several pieces of poetry, though for these i received no payment. My novel has been rejected three times, im tempted to feed it to the shredder, but so much work has gone into it i cant bring myself to do it, i may give it one last try.

.I DON'T LIKE FOOTBAL
.I DONT DRINK (MUCH)
.I DONT DRIVE
.I'M SCARED OF SPIDERS AND MOTHS
.I DON'T MIND IRONOING
.I'M HOPELESS AT DIY
.I LIKE SALAD
.TAKE THAT ARE OK
.I'D SOONER WATCH HOLBY CITY THAN ENGLAND PLAY IN THE WORLD CUP
.I WRITE POETRY
.I NEVER GOT INTO BAY WATCH
.I DONT FIND ABBY TITMAS SEXY

.LEARN TXT TALK

.GO BACK IN TIME AND TELL YOURSELF HOW YOU DIE, THEN AVOID IT

IN RTETROSPECT - shit, i didn't aught to have done that.

.the tea boy gets promoted over you

.

.A BETEMAX VIDEO
.OLD SCHOOL BOOKS
.ENGELBURT HUMPEDINK LP'S
.BABY CLOTHES
.A BLACK AND WHITE PORTBLE TV
.ZX81
.ACTION MAN (NAKED)
.AN OLD FISH TANK
.EMPTY FAMILY FAVE'S BISCUIT TIN
.OLD REMOTE HANDSETS
.READERS DIGEST 1977
.A FONDU SET (NEVER USED)
.CUDDLY TOYS
.A GLOBE (WITH USSR AND CONSTANTINOPLE ON IT)
.OPERATION GAME

.CRAZY FROG
.REPEATS ON TV
.RAIN ON DAYS OFF
.WORK
.DELAYED PLAINS
.THE EARLY MORNING ALARM
.TRAFIC JAMS
.LATE BUSSES
.NEVER WINNING THE LOTTERY
.PEOPLE WHO TALK IN THE CINEMA
.FAD DIETS
.CRAP NUMBER ONE RECORDS
.CALL CENTERS
.Z LIST CELEBS
.CLIP BOARDS IN TOWN
.UN AUDABLE PLATFORM ANOUNCEMENTS
.THE PRICE OF SANDWICHES
.SPOTS
.1% INTERST
.SLUGS EATING YOOU GARDEN
.DUD COINS IN YOUR CHANGE
.BOTTLED WATER
.ADVERTS
.HIGH STREET PRICES
.NO PUDDING
.MAGAZINES IN WAITING ROOMS
.HOUSEWRK
.THE PRICE OF STAMPS
.NO NHS DENTISTS
.RELIGIOUS FANATICS I TOWN
.TIME WAISTERS
.STUPID PEOPLE
.CON MEN
.GREY HAIRS
.ONLY A HANDFULL OF CHECKOUTS OPEN IN THE SUPERMARKET
.STANDING UP ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT
.THE INABILITY TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH
.BEING GAZZUMPED

.YOUR VIRGINITY
.THE WEEKEND
.BUS FAIR
.THE CAR
.YOUR KEYS
.YOUR FIGURE
.WEIGHT
.YOUR HEARING
.TEETH
.HAIR
.THE FOOBALL
.YOUR BET
.YOUR YOUTH
.PHONE NUMBERS
.YOUR JOB
.THE WILL TO LIVE
.YOUR STAKE
.YOUR WAY
.THE PLOT
.YOUR HEAD
.YOUR NERVE
.THE ROUND
.THE SHIRT OFF YOUR BACK
.YOUR DIGNITY
.YOUR MEMORY
.YOUR MARBLES.

.Why are men allowed to go tpless but women arent, even though some men have man boobs?

.Why is porn X rated, but you can watch violent films like terminater on TV? surely sex is better than killing.

.If a pig eats bacon, is it a cannibal?

.Is a fish cake actually a cake?

.Should eat all you want reataurants nt be called eat all you can?

.How does James Bond never age but Q does?

If laughter is the best medicine, why go to medical school? just be a comedian instead.

.How hard can it be to be a food critic? they pay you to eat food, than ask if you like it.

.Couldnt anyone be a tv presenter and use utocue? are they not just reading out loud?

.Why does the electricity only ever trip when it's dark?

.If women are the weaker sex, how come they can out live men?

.isn't nostalgia just old stuff?

There was a Magpie on the roof of next door this morning. i hung around for ages hoping another one would come and join it, you know, 'two for joy'. no others came, so it's 'one for sorrow'. isn't there suposed to be some sort of rhyme to counter act the 'curse'? i cant afford any more bad luck.

Early morning. A view from my living room window.

I'm feeling nostalgic right now. The local radio is playing hits from 1983 in its 'classic year hour'. Spandau, Duran Duran, Ultravox, Nick Kershaw. To add to my nostalgia, my wife has just come in with a packet of curly wurlies. i dont think they are as big as they used to be, and nor for that matter are monster munch.

So you're here again
out of you're pit
with those eyes that kill
from a distance.
they echoe around
and i fall into you again.

The reasons why you do what you do
may never be known
but you do it
with the best of intent
over coals and glass
on feet cold and worn
and singing to the sound of the sea.

Molly came in from the cold
her ice cream heart
began to melt when she saw her beau
climbing from his horse to grant her wish.
The satin cushion was soft to her skin
then she was a child again free from sin.
The beau tall and thin
with eyes like an angel
loved her as he had before
and Molly, she remebered
she would always love him
laying by his grave.
Molly cried on the day he passed away
she watched him leave
and then a casket in the ground
and a shadow of the man he was
but still handsome in Molly's mind
and that smile brought tears to her eyes
and melted her ice cream heart.

Wasted the minds of those
who crawl down into pits of despair
searching for goals never reached
hands chapped, eyes void of vision
blind to the obvious before them.
Passion, a fragile acrobat
turning towords the light
only to be burnt again
retreating back under ground
into an abys that was once
a powerfull dream.
So many have their minds waisted
leacherous eyes, diliberate stand off
so flippant
falling in dreams, always falling
no wings for flight, singed, burnt
near the end now
time passes
fingers moving since the dawn of time
not long now
woken again
ebulliant
fantastic fields of gold
lost dreams
memories past
no drerams to speak of
a thunderclap
malestrom meastro
a ricochet
finished now
all done
meltdown.

HAPPY VALENTINES FOLKS!

The youth
he's so hobbledehoy
he's like the hobgoblin
mischevious pranks his speciality
but he is marred by the misconception
that he is a miscreant
in their missgivings
they judge him wrong
a ruffian in their eyes
rumbustuisness mistaken
for sin.

With eyes like a serpant
he watches the day go by
with a smile that he calls
his own
in humility when alone
but a facade of joy
just chicanery
no more thamn an act
With his sporadic chaciannate
a cackle so erudite
like the graffiti
he dances to a new tune
posessed
unremiting in his vendeta.

Tick tock tick tock

tick tock stop.

I swore to myself that i would, under no circumstances do a blog about valentines because it was sooo predictable, but then i realised, i am predictable. i've been looking at a few blogs, and everyone is talking about it, it's on the radio, it's on the Tv, so what the hell.
I heard on the news the other day that they are banning the making of mothersday cards in school because it could be offensive to kids who dont have mothers. My mate Jed recons they should ban the sale of valentines stuff because it is offensive to single people. Jed is single through choice, he refuses to settle down, keeps sleeping around in hos 40's. he says that if he settled down he would have to spend his weekends visiting art galleries and museums, and go shopping for cushions and curtains. He says it will lead to a cottage in the country, gingham and chintz and a couple of fluffy kittens with names like Harpo and Suze. He says he would have to swap his pornography for books on gardening and cooking with pasta, and go to the cinema to watch Sleepless in Seattle instead of Dog soldiers. Jed says that if ever they made a film of his life he would want to be played by someone in the ilk of Stalone or segal and not a bumbling Hugh Grant.
His view to dating is that of buying a car, he said 'You wouldnt drive the same car for your entire life, you would trade it in for a newer model'. Jed's an idiot, i told him so. Anyone know a good cure for a busted lip?

Is this woman the greatest recording artist of our time? What a fantastic voice, fantastis composer, fantastic pianist, and stunningly atractive. I find it hard to beleive she is so underrated. She deserves greater recognition. All hail Tori. She is a Godess.

When i was in school i always thought my teachers were very very old. last week i ran into one of said teachers and got talking to him and he told me that he was out with friends celebrating his 50'th birthday. I left school iin 1986 when i was sixteen, that was just over twenty years ago. That means when he was teaching me that 'I comes before E except after C' he was 31 years old. That is seven years younger than i am today. If i go out to a club now, most of the people in there are in the 18 to 20 age bracket, younger than me yes, but not just that, the difference between me and an 18 year old is 18 years, yes the number of years betwwen us is the same as the number of years they have been alive. it is possible that i will be older than their parents. Now i know i am getting old.

A lot of men would like to model them selves on James Bond, and acording to my wife most women would like their men to be more like James Bond, i know for a fact my wife has a thing for Mr Bond (make that messers Dalton, Brosnan and craig) unfortionatly, for both my wife and myself, I model myself on Homor Simpson, an all round looser who picks his nose, breaks wind,eats too much, drinks too much, stands no chance of promotion, no prospects what so ever, pennyless, witless, coward, thick, dim, lazy...agh! i'm happy with my life.