Andrew's beach front bar

I read recently that a university proffeser in London had conducted a survey to test how many times a dropped slice of toast would land butter side down. Im not sure of the exact result, but as i would have expected anywaym butter side down won.
The point i wanted to make was, how much is this proffeser being paid? and is this really what all his years of training were for?

If he has nothing better to do, why can the government not find him something more constructive, like making healty food taste nice? If it did, we would all be fit ant it would save a fortune in thr health service, then the proffeser would have time to worry about how many sheep he could fit into a mini, and other suce benall tasks.

I present to you a (very) abridged version of my as yet un finished novel,

Shallow grave.

There was me and Ebenezer drawing cards and choosing sides, for he who chose the joker would be the martyr. It was I became the looser in a game no one could win, I had to sail away into forever.

The spirit of the forest said she would sheild my soul, a protection spell to keep malevolence from me.The raven in the sky above, the wolf was close at heel, I knew I had to make it to the mountains.

Ebenezer watched me through his trusty crystal ball, sitting solid on his throne beside the bar. He drank a toast to Liberty, but prayed the Devil took my soul, for he knew I would return and seek my vengance.

Those shamhain nights were cold and lengthy, the snow fell like a mantle, mother nature shivered silently with me. And then I heard those voices sweet, a cry of 'merry meet', and fairies gathered ten fold at my feet.

They took me to their neet abode, beneath the willow tree, there they fed me berries red and sweet, all gathered from the Earths most hallowed forest.

I met the elf king and his subjects, hung on every phrase. He wrode a chariot of gold, andsnails were his horses. Through the night we journied on, forever heading to that pagen dawn.

I felt a shudder down my spine , the joker woke the demons, I heard them cackle deep within my brain.He said I knew i'd faulter cause no mortal man had the might, he said we were to fragile and lacked accord.

And then i felt such wickedness, more shivers down my spine, felt the blood that moves the body running cold. The vampires and the demons who were always on my trail tried once more to hinder in my progres.

I traded tears with Mathusula, a shot gun at my side, serenaded by the holy spirits, I had a ain insid my chest like a owly shalow grave, but death to me was not even an option.

Bealzibub was watching e, like a child, far away, playing in the house of fallen angels. I met the girl who gave her heart, yes Joan of arc herself. She begged me 'never give your heart for no one.'

'Life is such a bitch'. she cried and then the devil took her tongue, left her allalone in fire damnation. The chimes of doom were ringing when her body fell to ground, i tried to tear my eyes out at the sorrow.

The joker stood and laughed at me until I thought that I were dead, and the devil woke the beast that lay within me, for it had been laying dormant there forever and a year, and now at last it rose up from the ashes.

And then, at Imbolc flowers bloomed, the ice at last finaly begins to thaw.But nothing blooms inside my heart, it's dark and vast and tainted. So to my destiny i trudge to seek some resolution.

My journy is nsidious, i feel i'm getting nowhere. I wish i'd been the one to win that card game. If i'd beaten Ebeneezer id be home beside my love, instead of lost amoungst these ever turning pages.

I feast on fruit of bergamot, and sleep with laudanum, the forcefull stag stands proud deep in the forest. And swimming in the babbling brook a shoal of silver fishes, oblivious to life upon the surface.

A mermaid and her hearts desire
a wedding they had planned
i watched them through the looking gass by the wall of falling sand. A unicorn named Galyak bill placed four leaf clover in my hand.

Lady Gadiver on her silver platerd stead, stood powerfull with reverance and glory. Just like the armies of the populace in dark and far flung lands she knew that Ebenezerhad seasled my doom.

The deck of cards lay idle now, the chairs are all uneven. No ale flowed, no tales to be told. Thoufgh the proffits had forseen it, spread the word but people laughed. Now we see them perish in their thousands.

The moon dial told me to be strong, said he could prevail all evil, but Bealzibub was on my trail, waiting for my failiure, but i had no plans to grant him his desire.

In bondage at the Hell mouth all the mortal martyrs stand, blindfold and in manakles of hostage, to a heart without a motive, and a soul withourt a cause, no providence or ethical repose.

Descending spirals i do plumet, feel the fierce ffires my life begins to flash before my eyes. I hear the joker laugh, an evil sneer on his face, i see all the faces i have met.

'I'm falling, falling' now I cry, my place in hell is waiting, Bealzibub has set a place aside. I had such hopes, such plans for life now all my dreams are ended. Lamentation spreads across the land, now broken, baron, brittle, I hear mother Earth call 'why oh why?'

The devil looks upon the Earth, this Hell that we have fashioned, out of gluttony , abhorance and malevolant. He surveyed in all his grandeur what a forcefull hand he had, such an evil demeanor did he carry.

I cried seventeen tear drops as they lay me out to rest, my body full of hate my mind of sorrow, and in the ground they buried me without even a prayer and now i suffer hells eternal fires.

The mirror cracks with faces, people scalded and scorched, by the fires of occultists taking orderswith the scars and scas we gain from life so fragile and unsacred, the dying time is here now beleive me.

The gotic towers soon will crumble, doom mongers revel in it. Those noxious wagging tongues, will break a thousand hearts but Ebenezer, smirk on face stands elated in his house of cards.

I still recall in days gone by, when sunshine shone upon us. In the garden off our off spring, in the play ground of the youth, now the child in the papoose I do pity.

In the morgue cadavers many, lifeless limbless courpses lay,and i this humble man do look arond me, in this hell they call belonging, in this rottting damning hole i abhor this maryrdom thats thrust upon me.

Said Ebenezer 'bow to me, for i am your redeemer'
'No way say I. That i could ever trust you.'
so i prayed for a seance, communique from the humanity i left behind, then two hands reached out for me, a voice called 'this way stranger'. I followed with uncertanty, with fear and trepidation, but tose eyes i saw no seraph could be purer.

And on his door step i did linger, payback now was due, but do i come for justice or just vengence? I hear them sy vengence is sweet, but am i not worth more? Does this make me lesser of a man?

He still feels he will claim the Earth, i can not stand by and watch that, a duel to the death, now i am stronger. At Beltain and the summer smell the wonders of the Earth, i know she's on my side and is my watcher.

I see the giants of mid summers day, paradeing through the town, an air of mystery surrounds them all, and I dream i am in Avalon, and tasting lammas bread, to ensure that my chakras are aligned.

I give word to the deity i'm thankfull to be here, that i made it safely through the dying time. The spirit of the forest who had followed wiccan rede said she knew i'd always make it back to living.

In the arms of my true love we dance beneath the moon, and nobody is ever going to part us. But how can i forget those poor lost souls throughout the world, i wil keep them always in my thoughts.

C. andrew bedell

A customer came in our shop today and was talking about winning the lottery. She said she wouldnt like it because you would never know who your real friends were.

I have one question, so maybe he wasnt involved in sex traficking, but are brothels not ilegal?

I saw on the news yesterday that Allo Allo is making a return to our screens for a one off episode later in the year, despite the fact that several of the cast are now dead. It got me thinking about al the other shows that it would be nice (In my opinion anyway) to see make a return.

I'm afraid i'm a telly addict.

The building which our shop is now in dates back to the 1840's. (It's the one by the car on the left hand side of the road on my header photo)I was just up on the third floor in the picture framing workshop, and could hear somebody down stairs in the gallery. I heard footsteps, and the rustling of paper, like somebody was looking throufgh the cataloges. I left what i was doing and went to take a look, there was nobody there. The only way to get up to the gallery is through the shop, so i went down to the ground floor but my sister, who was on the till said no body had been up there.

I heard footsteps and rustling as clear as day.....

As i have mentioned before, we have a family business that consists of art and craft shop, picture framing workshop and gallery in which we display prints and paintings by local artists.

People actualy came in and made complaints that we had 'pornography' in the window. so much so we had to remove it, but it's still on show in the gallery. Does this mean we need to put a warning message at the foot of the stairs, 'Do not enter if offended by the human body?'

So, i just heard the Frank Sinatra song, 'my way'. You know the one that goes, 'Regrets, i've had a few, but then again too few to mention.' It got me thinkining about my regrets in life, and then when I had them written down I wasn't sure what to do with them, so I thought I would stick them on here, so here goes.

The chains
take your freedom
a slave
thats all they see
bondage
is all you know
you dream
of being free
Your Master cracks his whip
bare foot you obey
gagged, silenced
without a voice
one day you'll rise up
reclaim your freedom.

c. andrew bedell

Last night on Channel 4 I watched a programe about sex education. The question being, how young should sex education be taught in school's. Surely, the sooner the better, is knowing about sex not as important as the three R's? Is this not the way to stop under age pregnancy, and the spread of STD's?

To the lowly symbolic shadows
of Earthly pastures
scented with aromas
from beyond
the vast spaces of tomorow.

Voices, angelic to most
feelings of warmth
growing stronger
at the rise of Summer.

The following poem was inspired by a comment I read on Sapphire-nights blog earlier today. Ta.

c. andrew bedell

Can anyone help, i've got a song stuck in my head and i cant remember what it is. I keep singing the same line over and over.

'and the married man that you laid
goes back home to his own sharade'.

I think it might be a rock song from the 70's or 80's, but i'm not sure.

I think i'm dying...

I hate man flu

Delicate the wings
of the moth into the flame
blinded by the light
on another lonely night
sitting by the window
hear the beating of her heart
sleeping snug beside me
in the place she goes to dream
wont you let me in
maybe we could just break away
find a better place to live
together till our dying day.

c. andrew bedell

:just eaten a chicken stir fry, lovingly prepared by my own hands. Chicken, mushrooms, red and green peppers, onion, bean sprouts, nooodles, lemon, coconut , red chillie and basmati rice. Washed down with a rum and coke, dark rum, always has to be dark rum....

God, my stomach feels full now, i tink i might have a little nap before Life on Mars comes on....

Some one keeps leaving me messages that seem to be asking me for a relationship. 4 times so far, what is this?Blind date? Im I to expect Cilla on my doorstep? I am maried...My wife wil not be impressed if she reads that..Infact, she will kill me...

It's cold and wet and windy.

A couple of weeks ago whilst entering the bus station in Sheffield a young woman stopped me, looking somewhat forelorn, disheveled, dirty.

Darkness falls
and the fear takes a hold
shivers down your spine
hairs stand on end
a chill
a haunting silence
your heart beat is fast
mouth dry
listen, do you hear?
something stirs
it comes from below
it's coming for you
hide
it can smell you
it has a taste for blood
it wants your blood
quickly, into the celer
bolt the door
stay quiet
it's waiting for you.

c. andrew bedell

Hello my friend
I was waiting for you
you never came
but I saw you over there
on the brow of the hill
i asked after you
they looked sad
said you were gone
but i saw you
over there
on the brow of the hill
they said you only wanted a high
a kick, some fun
make you happy, feel alive
but now you're gone
but i saw you
over there on the brow of the hill.

c. andrew bedell

She's been watching me for hours
do you hear her betrayal?
It was only yesterday she was here
now she flies by night
in her habbit heer sinfull ways
become less obscure
I hate her
when she came here
I saw hate in her eyes
she burns me
are you alive?
does she get beneath your skin?
do you burn with desire?

c.andrew bedell

This poem came to me after watching Devils advocate on DVD last night.

In the Torture garden I find you
in your rubber shrowd
feel the club lash
but you need this pain
this diversity turns you on
the chains make you feel strong
you are a slave to your desire
and you could never be free
you have a hunger, a need to be tamed
submission is in your soul
the need for power over you
may never be so strong
look around you
this is the life I have given you
shed your outer skin and breath
he wants all of you
give yourself to him
go on hand yourself over
do it today, believe in the Devils ways.

c. andrew bedell

Tonight, I went into a bar with friends and ordered a Pepsi. The bar tender looked at me, smiled and said 'Sorry, we dont sell Pepsi. We've got Coke.Will that be OK?'. What, like there is a difference? I defy anyone to do a taste test and pick one from the other, and come to that Virgin cola, or even the Supermarkets own brands.

A friend of mine refuses to buy Supermarket brandedproducts, like it's inferior to the branded products , as if Tesco produce pies and make biscuits and beans, and distill there own alcohol in a little room around the back of the store.

Most of these supermarket own products are merely manufactured on the supermarkets behalf, no doubt in the same factory as some of the branded products.

I did have the last laugh on my friend the other day however, he would not buy Tesco turkey burgers, and chose to purhace the , in his worda 'far superior' Bernard Mathews (I cant remember how to spell the word, is that right) burgers. How we laughed!

In an ideal world I would earn a living as a writer. The morning alarm wouldnt sound until ten am, and I would live in a Beach house in Montego bay over looking the ocean. I would live on a diet of freshly caught fish prepared by the worlds finest chefs, and swim in the ocean every day.

Yea, in an ideal world......

Just made a total fool of myself.

So ive got the radio on full blast, and i'm doing air guitar to Killer queen, miming, mouth actions and everything, tennis racket, the whole thing. I look over my shoulder and the window cleaner is looking at me like im some sort of mental person.