Andrew's beach front bar

I am Mr Hankie the Christmas Poo from South Park....

yes, Talking shit.

Thats what I was just told,

'you're talking shit!'

Just called into Primark to get a couple of cheap tee shirts for work. The lable claims 'one size fits all'.

So Rick Waller and Ronnie Corbet can wear the same size shirt? How does that work then?

http://www.hort.purdue.edu/newcrop/morton/custard_apple.html#Description

and something un healthy too.

I still remember buying Now thats what i call music 1.

That makes me feel soooooo old.

Even my cats dont want to move away from the radiator.

I am physicaly shaking as i sit here and type.

Coffee time i think.

Evan davis.

Why does he tell us things we already know?

On dragons den a would one of the hopefulls introduces themselves, and then they say 'I am here to seek a twenty thousand pound investment for 20% of my company'.

Then Ewan Davis on voice over says, 'Tom Brown is here to seek a tweothousand pound investmentfor a 20% stake in....'

I know, he just said that.

Then one of the dragons wil dclare themselves out, so Mtr Davis piopes up 'Duncan Banatine has just declared himself out...'

I know, he just said that.....

The christmas lights are getting turned on in Rotherham so it's late night opening.That means the normal 9-5, but then having to stay for an extra three hours.

working for a living really sucks.

when did those click back to previous post arrows appear?????

Drinking rats milk will solve world food shortages.

Rats milk on your cornflakes anyone?

1. Is adding insult to injury when the Docor says 'It's broken. Ugly?'

welcome to Monday morning afternoon musuings....

If you are beside yourself does that mean that there are two of you?

The grass is always greener on the other side of what?

If the best things in life are free how come i cant get a beach house in Barbados?

if you are what you eat how come i dont look like a block of cheese?

the rain seems to be coming down a bit heavy, and he bloke on the radio just said something about checking on the 'snow situation'. I aint seen any snow...Has somebody got snow?

And once again why?

i just heard on the radio that somebody is about to begin marketing alcoholic water....

for what reason pray?

We do it every time we get on a bus or a train or a plane.

We are trusting a total stranger with our destiny.

one mistake from them and they could kill us.

Thats a cheery thought for a Saturday morning isnt it?

leather jackets...This is me in my trusty old leather.

Because that Terry Wogan, a man who earns around half a million pound a year gets paid for hosting a show that claims every penny goes to charity.

In a way then, our donation is going towords his wage.

How can he have the nerve to stand there and ask us to hand over our hard earned cash and he stands there knowing he is getting paid foir it when all around him everyone are offering their services for free?

The gouvernment wants to put more tax on alcohol.

they say we haver a problem with binge drinking.

they want to ban the advertising of alcohol on tv.

so we as a nation drink too much...?

Were they not the ones that allowed 24 hour opening?

than be forced to watch I'm a celebrity has been get me out of here a job.

What a waste of air time.

A customer has just bought some art materials.

asked if he needed a receipt he replied.

"What would I want that for i'm walking out the door?"

What did he think I asked him?

Bollocks, Bugger, Feck, Arse.....

I am having a stressed Eric episode

I can feel a throbing in my head. my blood is reaching boiling point and i am about to explode.

Last week we had an order at the shop for 10 A3 frames for a local school. The order was taken by Fax, and I made the frames, with plastic instead of ghlass because they are to go in a school.

I cut the frames from ten inch lengthe of wood, mitred the corners, stapled them, cut the plactic, cut the backing board, fastened them together, put on hangers, individualy wrapped them in bubble wrap, all done by hand, a full days work.

Yesterday somebody from the school came to collect them, and we invoiced them for £150.

TYhis morning i take a telephone call from the school. A woman told me the frames were the wrong size, 'no, no, no.. A3, as asked for.'

'I wanted A2.' she said. 'these are too small.I have no use for these.'

'Buty you faxed an order for 10 A3 frames.'

'Yes, i left it to somebody else to type out the order and didn't check it. How soon can you do us the new fgrames, and would you be able to take theese off our hands?'

So because of HER mistake she wants US to be out of pocket?

I am sure a school could find more use for 10 A3 frames than us.

The fact that they are blue makeds it hard for us to use them for anything, and we do not sell ready made frames as a rule, we are a bespoke framers.

The problem is, they are a regular customer so we dont want to upset them, but it is clearly them that is in the wrong.

Coffee and bickie time me thinks...

I was trying to listen to Johny Cash on my MP3 player but he insisted on talking to me.

He asked what i was listening to. I told him and he laughed. I let it pass, but then the subject got on to lunch, and he insisted he goes the chippy every day for pie chips and peas, i told him i took a packed lunch to work and he laughed again, and said that nobody took a packed lunch to work anymore.

I said that wasnt true, but i was only asuming. I'm not the only one to bring sandwiches to work am i?

Anyway, this bloke had a go at a couple of women that got on together, insinuating they were lesbians, and then had a racist ramble about asians.

Thank god he got off a few stops before i did.

I dont know if you have a picture of this bloke yet, but the best way to discribe him would be....

jjust rearange these letters. C.A.V.H.

And it is so cold.

Even my cat wont go out and choses to snuddle by the radiator on a cushion.

waiting for the bus this morning was awfull. I think I may be coming down with SAD. I hate dragging myself out of my pit when its dark and cold.

I guess it's going to be a long cold winter.

i just wanted to ask. Where did the weekend go?

Not as such, but i was crossing the road at the crossing, waited for the green man and set off across when a car came around the corner and through a red light.

Anoyingly those lights dont have a camera on them. Luckily i was able top jump out of the way, but what if it had been a pensioner or someone with a pram?

OK, maybe it's not that much of an addiction, it's not as if it's something that's going to kill me, unles i die from lack of sleep or fresh air....

I have in my DVD collection every epidsode of Fawlty Towers, of Red Dwarf, of Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, Of Gimmie gimmie gimmie, of Father ted, of Porridge, of Some Mothers do ave em, of Ab Fab, of Friends, of what ever happened to the likely lads, of Only fools and horses....

I just cant get enough of sit coms, and whenever i have a spare moment i will sit in front of the tv with the intention of watching one episode, but once i start i cant stoip myself, and i have to watch the next episode, and then the next, and then the next, an so un untill several hours have passed by and it's the early hours of the morning.

last night it was the entire third series of Gimmie gimmie gimmie, the night before series two of porridge....

i'm thinking Father Ted tonight...justy the one episode mind.

Spammers can send me this in an E mail?

I have been dating a man who I think is wonderful but when we have sex I can't feel his penis inside me.

If i made a random phone call and said that down the phone i would be arrestes for making dirty calls.

Double standards isn't it?

Not that i want to make dirty phone calls, it's just the principle!

Cos i'm off to Tesco with a shopping list, and i cant decide on Vodka, Rum, or Whisky.....

Funds dictate i can only have the one, mores the pitty. how shit is it when your business is not making any cash?

This shit hole of a town is really dragging us down., and now the council has turfed about thirty shops out so they can re vamp the town in a 'twenty five year renacance programe'.

This involves pedestrian precincts by the water side, continental style bistros, theatres, museums, and luxuary living acomodation.....yea, in the middle of town by the night clubs.

just what sort of people are they hoping to attract?

Not the Bee Gees version, but the cover that steps did.

Do you think they were being ironic, what with them being so tragicly un hip?

On the back door for added security.

Who went out in the garden last night without his keys and let the door close too behind him whilst his wife was in the shower and couldnt here his cries for help?

wont make that mistake again.

Sang St Winifreds girls choir.

But how do you picture said Grandma? Grey hair? Elderly? Rocking chair? Knitting? Listening to Daniel O'Donnal?.

The youngest Grandmother in Britain is just 26. yup, her twelve year old daughter has given birth to a baby girl.

And guess what. This family come from my home town of Rotherham. At last we have something to put us on the map!

Oh, and thoser mothers feeding burgers through the fence to the kids that were pissed of by Jamie Oliver, that was Rotherham too.

I am so proud to live here.

We live on the top of a hill and out of our living room window can see for miles. we are currenly standing watching eight simultanious fire work displays.

I love free enertainment.

I have bought my tickets allready.

Whats the betting i louse them over the next 11 months?