Andrew's beach front bar

On a bar of chocolate:

Recipie: No nuts
Ingredients: Can not guarantee nut free.
Factory: No nuts.

So there are no nuts in the recipie, they don't have nuts in the factory, but some how they may have got into the chocky bar.

What are they, S.A.S nuts, sneaked in there on some sort of covert opporation?

Next month we have tickets to see Lee Evans in Sheffield, and then in October we are off to see Michael Macintyre, also in sheffield.

The next thing I want to do is get tickets to go to a recording of Mock the week, because they must ciut so much out of that to edit it to a half hour tv slot.

Yes, if you have a full English for breakfast every day your risk of developing bowel cancer goes up by 65%. I asume thats if a heart attack doesnt kill you first.

Oh, and did you know baked beans counts towords your 5 fruit and veg portions a day...

Good I hope.

Weather here is pretty good, weve just had a walk down to Blackburn meadows nature reserve, and walked along the canal.

Lots of fishermen down there, though they dont appear to be catching much.

As we come out of the canal we pass by a local scrap yard, two police men asked us if we had seen two lads carying scrap metal,we said no and they jumped in their car and were away.

Sitting with a nice coffee now, doing a bit of blogging and catching up with everyones news, then it will be an early night, back to work tomorow and Michelle is on the early sift so it's a six am alarm.

It is a well known fact, by those who know me that I am accident prone. If something can break, it's a fair bet that I will break it. It isd a running joke with the family that when I end a meal I generaly end with most of it down my shirt, and that was the case today.

I was wearing a pair of white jeans and a pink tee shirt, yes, thats right, white jeans and a pink tee shirt and I make no apologies for that.

For lunch I had a salad, and I spilled beetroot and salad cream down my shirt, but I can blame no body but my self for that one. After we had eaten we went to Tesco to get a few bits that we forgot when we did a big supermarket shop yesterday. One of the things in our shopping basket was a bottle of Doctor pepper, which lay on its side at the bottom of the wire basket, and on top of it went the potatoes and a couple of cans of beans. Can anyone see where this is going?

It was my wife was the first to notice that we were leaving a trail bebind us as we walked up and down the isles, and we soon realised that the lid on the bottle of Doctor Pepper was not as tight as perhaps it aught to be, and now most of it was on the floor, oh, and slopped down my white jeans.

Anybody know the best way to get dark coloured pop out of white jeans?

Who told these people who enter The X factor that they can sing, when it's clear many of them couldnt even hold a note if it were placed directly into their hands? There mut have been a point when they proclaimed, in proud tones, 'I am going to audition for X factor.' If they are intent on entering, then one assumes they are keen singers, and have sung in front of friends and family, and these friends and family are well aware that they posses no tallent so why in gods name do they not stop them?

Perhaps it's fear orf hurtingt their felings by telling them that they can not sing, so instead they just force a smile and say, 'You go for it.'

Is it not better for you to hurt their feelings in private, rather than allowing themselves to make a total tit of themselves on national TV in front of millions of people? To see their dreams broken in two like a china mug thrown against a wall?

'But it's my dream' they sob when told they will not be going to boot camp. 'This is all I do, If i dont sing then I dont want to live.'

I would love to have the guts to get up on stage and belt out the chorus of 'No woman no cry', and have Simon, Louis, Danni and Sheryl. say that I was fantastic and I'll go a long way, but I am not dilluded enough to think that I sound like Bob Marley, and I infact know that when I open my gob and try to sing I sound like a bag of spanners on a fast spin in the washing machine.

That said, it is entertaining TV, and great to see the big headed contestents dragged down a peg or two. But the point I'm making is this, if your son or daughter, parents, or the guy down the road tells you that they are going to enter, if they are as bad as this, please for the love of all that is sane, stop them any way you can.....

Just eaten pasta in a pasta sauce, boy it was spicy hot.

If I were to breath on you now I would melt your face!!

Europcar carried out a survey amoungst its branches and asked that question, this was the result:

Fluffy handcuffs

a false leg

a mannequin

ten odd pairs of shoes

a cooked sausage

a colostomy bag

50 flourecent bulbs

a wheelchair

a scotish pipers black ostrich hat

an ammunition case

and a cuddly toy...

sounds like the generation game to me, and how do you not notice you are missing a false leg anyway?

1. Are you married or single?
Married

2. Do you have brothers and sisters?
A sister.

3.Are they older or younger than you?
Younger.

4. Have you ever met a famous person?
I once used a urinal in the gents next to Brian Tilsley from Corrie.

5. What countries have you visited?
France, Spain, Jamaica, Barbados, Maldives.

6. What do you do on Sundays?
Blog, clean, shop.

7. What kind of people do you not like?
Racist, homophobic bigots!

8. Who has had the most influence in your life?
My parents.

9. Would you like to be famous?
Not in the Posh and Becks way.

10. How many different towns or cities have you lived in?
2 .

11. Which do you prefer, sunrises or sunsets?
Sunsets.

12. What was the last book you read?
Tori Amos Piece by Piece.

13. What's your favorite food?
Sausage and mash..

14. Do you live in a house or an apartment/flat or other?
A Bungalow.

15. How tall are you?
5' 11

16. What are your hobbies?
Writing.

17. What's something you do well?
Writing, I think!.

18. Which sports do you like to watch/play?
Tennis.

19. Are you a 'morning' or 'night' person?
No!.

20. What is your motto?
If at first you dont succeed, try again....unless you were sky diving!

He was a great inspiration to many people, knowing he was going to die but instead of feeling sorry for himself still put others first.

It's a sad story.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/aug/20/digitalmedia?gusrc=rss&feed=media

I need something to snack on.

Strange how I always get hungry about this time, even though I had my tea at six, and have had a couple of chocie bickies about eight, and an apple about eight thirty, yet still i'm hungry.

I recon it's going to have to bhe a crisp buttie, that always goes down well.

The boys...

http://www.howtodothings.com/fashion-and-personal-care/a4677-how-to-know-if-youre-a-metrosexual.html

The girls...

http://www.htmlism.com/mark/archives/000218.html

When I was on about those objects with the flames in that floated past? well one just went by again, and i was going to get a photo of it to prove that i wasnt pissed or hallucinating, but the batteries in the camera are dead.

Slumped on the sofa now stuffed with food and enjoying a rum and coke and the best of Top gear on TV...

slobbing around the house on a sunday.

Just chillin' in front of the TV watching DVD's, Family Guy, Father Ted and Simpsons so far...

In a little while i shall go and chop and peel the veg and prepare a sunday roast dinner, ready to eat about five with home grown caugette and parsnips and green beans, chicken breasts cooked in a jerk sauce, yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes.

I do love a nice roast dinner, the only down side is all the washing up afterwrds, but i guess it's worth it.

hope everyone is having a chilled out Sunday.

Just watched the usual bunch of loosers and no hopers, do the family and friends of these people not think to tell them that they cant sing before they make a show of themselves in front of millions of people?

There were some tallented onews of course, and the last guy, the one who failed to make the pop stars thing ten years ago was not as bad as they made out, he was better than some who have gone through in the past.

More of the same next week.

to be ambidextrous.

I used to be in the Heart fan club. Had posters on my bedroom wall.

Is the only ailment I dont suffer from.

Talking to a friend today who said,

'if you try hard enough there isnt anything you can not do. There is no such word as can't....'

so I said,

'OK. climb up on the roof, and fly off.....'

Apparently Amy Winehouse is the top celebrity Brits have nightmares about, closely followed by goth rocker Marilyn Manson, Gordon Brown and The Cheeky Girls.

The survey of 3,500 Britons also found our bad dreams most often involve being chased, losing a loved one, falling from a great height and being attacked by spiders.

Me? My worst dream would be going into a fast food bar and Gillian Mc Keith walking in behind me and asking me to do a poo into a tupperware box and swaping my kebab for a stick of cellery.

Eating strawberry trifle, and it's yummy!!!

15 QUESTIONS.

1. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?
No, but a gay mate once made a drunken pass at me..

2. How often do you wank?
Not as often as I did when I was single.

3. Where do you wish you were right now?
Jamaica.

4. Were you in love with the first person you slept with?
Yes.

5. Do you have any guilt inside of you?
Yes.

6. Have you ever wished anyone dead, however brief?
No. Ill perhaps, but not dead.

7. Assuming you HAD to be, would you rather be a colour, smell or sound?
Smell.

8. How and when do you imagine you are going to die?
I never plan ahead.

9. Do you think love is forever?
Fingers crossed it is.

10. What is your worst fear for your future?
Being a burden on my family.

11. Do you LOVE anything about yourself? If so, what is it?
No.

12. Would you lie if you KNEW you could never get caught?
Yes, little white lies.

13. Could you have sex knowing someone could hear you?
I have.

14. What, if anything, do you do to make people do what you want?
Beg!

15. How many times, if any, have you lied answering these questions
I didnt lie at all.

If cats hadnt been domesticated they could hardly bring a cow down could they?

Rabbit and duck makes a little more sence, but why do they not make them Sparrow or rodent flavour?

Last night I felt my entire head was going to burst.

So much so that the only thing In was able to do was go to bed and sleep it off.

Feel fine this morning, but by God it's wet out there.

Oh, and I made a bit of a boob with our Wellgate arts and crafts web site that i'm building....I put my home phone number on it instead of the shop number. Now we keep getting calls at home .... woops!

Which in my case is to write.

How I would love to have the opportunity to do it full time.

I have so many ideas running around in my head, but there just arent enough hours in the day.

If only I could do it full time, and earn a living from it.

Just to convince me that it's worth keeping at it, are there any people out there who got the chance to live their dream?

Beef in Medeteranian sauce with red bell peppers, caugette, onion and egg fried rice.

Lovely.

Apple pie and custard for desert, then coffee.

Thats the word i use to describe myself after today.

I just lost three games of scrabble in a row,

the first game I lost by 87 points.

the second game by 132 points.

and the third game by 167 points....

Bugger.

And becase we spent over thirty pounds we got a free jar of coffee.

Wish they had told me, cos i had a jar of coffee in my shopping anyway.

Now I have two full jars of coffee.

I guess now I have a ligitimate excuse to drink more coffe.

Hoping for that elusive big break.

That was how I described myself today when I was stopped on the street by a woman with a clip board and asked to describe myself in one sentance,I think it summs me up rather well, better than the alternative,'persisistent failier'.

1. Who was the last person to call you?

A supplier wanting payment.

2. Where was your default picture taken?

At work, looking into a security mirror.

3. What's your middle name?

Mark

4. Your current relationship status?

Married to Michelle.

5. Does your crush like you back?

Hope so.

6. What is your current mood?

Bla!!

7. What are you doing this weekend?

Working, writing, blogging,sleeping....

8. What color shirt are you wearing?

Green and grey stripes...

9. Ever been in love?

I am in