Andrew's blog.

Overheard conversation between two men.

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:40:06 +0200

They were on opposite sides of a busy road, shouting to each other over the trafffic as it pased them by.

What?

How thy gooin?

All reight

good

Im gooin' somewhere

are thy?

Good. How thy gooin?

Good.

Are thy?

God

I'm goin' somewhere.

Are thy

See thee

see thee

And with that they both walk in opposite directions.

So good to see the art of conversation is still alive and kicking...

Comments

I'm back after a few very bad weeks

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 10:04:51 +0200

Michelle and I have seperated, and I have been living at my parents.

I am now looking for a flat, whilst Michelle is going to stay in the house, giving me the money for my share. (Once we get the house valued).

It is difficult getting my head around the fact that I am single again, anfd being back at my parents house and sleeping in my old childhood room as I approach 40 years old is a far cry from what I planned on doing as I turned 40.

Oh well, life always throws a spanner in the works and messes up our plans doesnt it? Onwards and upwards as they say.

Heres to the next chapter.

Comments

I shall return.

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 12:18:32 +0200

Comments

Life

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:40:28 +0200

Things never go the way you plan
You know what you want out of life but it always evades you
Look at me, financially I could be better off
Physically I am a sham; Life is hard for a pessimist
I should never talk to girls I only wind up in turmoil.
So I hung up my gloves, change of career
It’s never too late, unless you’re a saint
But then butter wouldn’t melt, how could you eat toast like that?
In a vacuum at the back of the queue?
But that’s life, so I’ll eat my chocolate, read my books
Dreams cost nothing to keep
so I’ll play the game till the game gets me
And then it’d downhill to oblivion so the futures all sown up
And that my friend is life.
When I meet my maker will he be pleased with my progress
are will I have failed the test?
Failed, Yea. thats what I thought.

Comments

Coffee time

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 14:42:42 +0200

Comments

Me!!!!

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 10:14:50 +0200

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=618832946&v=app_2392950137&ref=profile

Comments

The Wednesday question.

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 10:13:16 +0200

Who has appeared on the Now thats what I call music records the most times?

Comments

Part of my stand up routine

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 13:54:40 +0200

Comments

Potter 2

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 14:02:03 +0200

Just to set the record straight, so to speak....

I made a comment about adults reading Harry Potter, and sugetsed it was wrong because it's a childrens book.

In all honesty, I dont have any problems with this atall, It was only meant as a tongue in cheek quip.....

I would hate for people to think that I was having a go.....

And now I feel I need to confess to a deep dark secret.....

Last week I read (coughs) 'Georges marvelous medicine.........'

Comments

A tribute to Less Paul.

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 13:14:21 +0200

Comments

How do you know when you are over the hill?

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 11:26:32 +0200

The checklist that will tell you.

If you answer yes to more than five of the following statements then you are over the hill.

1. People get up to offer you a seat on the bus.
2. You start dating mothers instead of daughters.
3. You realise how old you will be when the Olympics Comes to London.
4. You start to wear socks in bed.
5. Your favourite TV show is heartbeat.
6. You fall asleep before 10pm.
7. You have so much nose and ear hair you could use it as a comb over..
8. You only have sex once in a blue moon.
9. You subscribe to reader’s digest.
10. You have a comb over.
11. You wear driving gloves and a flat cap.
12. You get up twice a night for a pee.
13. You have a mug of horlics before bed.
14. You dress like your dad.
15. You get slippers and socks for Christmas.
16. You hear a cover version on the radio and can remember the original, you ask, “Have they changed the key?”
17. You have to put on cefax because you can’t hear the TV.
18. You have the hots for a girl, but you realise her parents are younger than you.

Comments

To buy or not to buy

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 11:20:50 +0200

Do you think now this show should just be called 'Not to buy', considering that nobody can get a mortgage?

Comments

Potter

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 11:17:51 +0200

I saw a grown man sitting on the bus the other day, reading with no hint of irony the latest Harry Potter book.

I felt the need to bring up the fact with him that it is a Childrens book, and ask, would he be as confident sitting there and reading 'The worst witch?' or Janet and John books?

Comments

Water on tap

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 11:15:31 +0200

I was drinking a bottle of Buxton mineral water the other day. As a rule I dont buy bottled water, but I was in need of a drink and not near a tap.

On the lable it said :-

Natural mineral water flows naturally to the surface having being filtered for 5000 years through the ancient limestone of the Peak District from the depths of 1500 metres.

It arrives at the surface untouched by man or machine. It is as pure as nature intended. Nothing touches it, nor has it done for 5000 years.

Once opened consume within three days.

Comments

The names Bond...

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 11:04:09 +0200

Actors who play James Bond have to be able to do suave and sophisticated dont they?

You could never have a Bond with a regional accent.

Imagine a Scouce Bond -

"The names Bond. Calm down La."

Or a Gordie Bond -

"Why eye man. The names Bond."

Or imagine a Cockney Bond -

"The names Bond Blimey Guvner up the apples and pears."

or a Yorkshire Bond -

"T' names t' Bond just been downt t'pit."

or a Brummie Bond.

"The names Bond Isn it?"

Or a Scottish Bond

"The names Bond och eye Jimmy.."

Oh hang on a sec, yea......Connery!

Comments

PC gone mad...

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 07:58:50 +0200

A production of Peter Pan has been told that the pirates can not have hooks and peg legs and eye patches because it may be offensive to the disabled!!

Comments

Power for the people

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 10:23:28 +0200

In 1878 Eddison said he would make electricity so cheap that only the rich would burn candles.

Do you think we should remind the current energy suppliers of this?

Comments

The final destination in 3D

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 20:41:02 +0200

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQVXU09pkqU

Will have to go see this.

Comments

A new Simons Cat

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 20:37:49 +0200

Comments

Tabloid trash

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 18:10:48 +0200

I uualy read the Metro on my way to work on the bus.

Coming home from work today I found a Mail on the seat.

I decided to flick through it.

I remember now why I stopped buying papers.

Comments

A damp patch....

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:20:26 +0200

For some time now we have had damp in our shop. We have not been able to pin point the cause of the problem, but one wall was wet, peeling paper and blaclk mould begining to appear.

Finaly we have discovered the cause of the problem.

Some feckers have stolen the lead drain pipes.

Comments

Gamesworkshop - Warhammer

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 12:35:06 +0200

Here, at our Rotherham shop things they are a changing...

As of last friday we are an official Gamesworkshop franchise.....

We stock all things Warhammer, and some of the stuff just blows my mind!!!

The craft side of the business has pretty much come to a standstill, so we are going to head down the model and hobbies route as that seems to be the biggest seller at the mo....

So now I need to get my head around how this Wargaming milarky works.

Wish me luck.

Comments

Somebody's up to mischeif.......

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 12:18:22 +0200

As I walked for the bus this morning I spotted a tempory bus stop in the middle of one of my neighbours gardens (Busses dont even come along our street).

I turned the corner into the main road, and saw a for sale sign in a bin, and two for sale signes embedded in a hedge.

Seems somebody has been up to Shenanigans...

Comments

Dee Anderson. Where did you sleep.

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 11:34:52 +0200

I love this song.

Comments

Me performing part of a monologue I wrote

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 10:29:17 +0200

Its about a man who goes into melt down and takes the law into his own hands. I'm a writer, not an actor so do not be put off by the performance.

It comes from a set of monologues I wrote under the collective heading 'Tales of woe.'

Comments

Brush or blade

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:01:36 +0200

In my half awake state this morning, I put shaving foam on my face, and then reached for my tooth brush and began brushing at my face.

Its a good job I didnt do it the other way around...

Comments

I didn't get the job

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:55:05 +0200

But I did run into an old friend who I haven't seen in five years, so the day wasn't a total wash out.

Comments

You all know I'm not one to complain........

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 13:30:13 +0200

It's not often I have a moan or a rant But do people realy have to come thumping on he dor and trying to get me to change my energy supplier.

If I wanted to, I would....

Comments

The computer says 'no'

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 22:57:25 +0200

Thats, 'no,I'm not conected to the internet......but the fact that I am typing this proves that I am.

Comments

Ray of light....

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 13:48:12 +0200

Were hoping to go and see the Northern lights later this year, or to give them their correct name, Blackpool illuminations.

Comments